is 'serosorting' a reliable prevention method for HIV?

"There is no reality in the absence of observation." -- The Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics

In this month of February when we celebrate LOVE & Black History - I’d like to start with my catch phrase – Love yourself enough to Protect yourself – When people living with HIV use serosorting as a prevention method, as I do, it relives some of the pressures of not infecting your partner while sharing sexual energy. It also allows you a certain comfort that this person might understand, relate to at least this one aspect of your being. As with organizations I belong to that are predominately Black or gay or centered around food – the commonality of that aspect of who I am does not have to be explained to the “others” who are not a part of that group. So when I serosort and state my preference for an HIV+ partner not only am I looking for someone with like traits – I am also taking some of the pressure off of me to explain what it’s like to live with HIV. I make a point of saying this is a stated “preference” and not an exclusionary factor, I will date and have sex with HIV- men it’s just a different dynamic.
Do I believe that serosorting is a reliable prevention method for HIV- people? NO – “Men Lie” is usually the line I say to a man that was potentially going to share sexual energy with me until I told him my status and after they’ve thanked me for my honesty but don’t think they can be with someone who is HIV+. In their mind, they are safer with someone who “says” they’re HIV-, which I always find interesting because I am clear that I will only be sharing sexual energy in ways that have no possibility of me transmitting HIV to this partner.
Serosorting in the longer term with a partner that you have tested with over time (twice over the year – every six months) and a discussion around putting your life in each others hands – two HIV- partners can move to unprotective insertive sex. Honor your history and Love yourself enough to protect yourself.
In closing – CONVERSATION and TRUST are the reality you want to build in any relationship no matter if it’s for a few hours or many years. Use serosorting as a jumping off point but use your observations and conversations to create a prevention reality!